Hit Me Baby One More Time

One of the many things I admire about my lover is that he works with male perpetrators of domestic violence using group work to help them understand, manage and change their behaviour.

It's complex and challenging work as you can imagine. It takes place within a context where the only way individuals have the power to effect change is on an individual level. Yet societal and cultural values contribute to the way they think and act. And you can't easily change the world around you. In other words its about much more than simply whether you hit someone or not.

I overheard my lover talking to someone about his work a couple of nights ago. The person he was talking to had done a placement with the Probation Service a number of years ago when he was a social work student.

My lover was explaining to him how different it is working with the men now compared to say 10 years ago. The biggest change, he said, is to the starting point of intervention now. By the time men get to his group, they already have a sense that what they are doing is wrong and have some desire to change. This contrasts with earlier times when domestic violence was a much more hidden crime.

I have to say, despite some real individual successes on the programme he runs, developing a sophisticated understanding of this complicated crime and associated behaviours within wider society is not mean feat. I still hear people say (although much less now I am pleased to report) "She must like it or she wouldn't go back". But there is an increasing awareness that it is a massive issue, not simply about men hitting women, but including same sex, women on men and elder abuse.

Hopefully bit by bit understanding and the development of an environment in which such behaviours can be extinguished will emerge. I'm proud that my lover is a part of that.

I hope Sir Alex's son will have reflected on recent events to reach out and receive the support and help he needs.