The Malevolence Of The Mighty Mackam

Once upon a time there was a wicked footballing wizard, The Mighty Mackam.

Wherever he went, The Mighty Mackam spread malevolence and evil.

But he reserved his most evil curses and spells for his most hated club - Newcastle United.

In one season alone, he sent them 2 fake Messiahs and a manager whose vocabulary was developed in a public toilet.

Other gifts included Joey Barton (no further explanation needed) and Dennis Wise (ditto).

To cap it all off at the end of the season he got them relegated.

Now you would think that even the most evil of evil wizards would be satisfied with that wouldn't you?

But no - the mighty Mackam had one more wicked spell to dispense before he was satisfied.

For today he gave them this.

You would have to have a hard heart not to feel just a little bit sorry for them.

Hanky Spanky

What should you do with troublesome renegades?

It's a problem that has exercised many over the years. Even those close to God.

Newcastle now face the problem in relation to Joey Barton of course. Bad boy of pitch and street.

It's a tricky one . I've heard people say he should simply be sacked. Others would argue that he has been punished by the courts and should not face additional sanctions.

As a Premiership footballer he is a very public role model. If he was able to turn himself around that could be a very powerful inspiration to others.

What would I do?

I'd draw up a behaviour contract with him. I would make it clear that if he breached that then there would be sanctions which could include dismissal. Alongside that I would offer support to make changes to his attitudes and behaviours.

I think it is critical to pass the responsibility for his behaviour to him, whilst also offering help.

Alternatively of course the Magpie's could consider some physical punishment which I guarantee he would never forget.

Of Antics And Arses

That Joey Barton is a bad boy isn't he. That awful tackle at the weekend on his former team mate Diskson Etuhu.

FA are not going to take any action though, which seems even more shocking.

It's not the first time he has been in trouble. There was the time he was suspended by his previous club Manchester City after hitting a team mate Ousmane Dabo during a training session.

And he seems to have a bit of trouble keeping his clothes on.

Not afflicted by an overdose of modesty either:

“It's always nice to be linked with the big boys and always nice to be gazed at from afar and be admired for your football.”

Talking of Arses, the Arse are up against Reading tonight at The Madejski Stadium. My lover has his fingers crossed but the fact that Reading have played Arsenal just 7 times at home and lost every match means it could be a bit of an uphill haul. And the Gunners are in amazing form at the moment, led by the enigmatic Wenger.

Those Royals do have a habit of sneaking out of the shadows and taking everyone by surprise though.