Mick McCarthy Got No Balls

My lover and I went to my friend Rupert's party last night.

We got talking to someone my lover used to work with. He is a musician and plays the fiddle and mandolin.

All seemed to be going well and we got onto the subject of football. To be fair he rates Wenger, so clearly has a modicum of taste.

Unfortunately, however, he is a lifelong W*****s supporter. Even more interesting was that he does not believe you should choose your team. It should be something given to you by someone else (your dad supports them, your mates support them etc.) and you are then stuck with it.

Well at least that explains his 'choice' of team I guess.

After a couple of beers he was prepared to concede that their current manager is not all one might hope for. A sentiment shared by one Roy Keene.

Apparently Keene's beefs included an allegation that McCarthy shamed and undermined him in front of his team mates, accusing him of being a liar, as well as a lack of adequate tournament preparation, which including them being expected to train without any balls!

I think he probably fits in well at the Molinuex Stadium

From The Arse's Mouth

I rang my son today.

Lets call him Georgie Jnr.

It took ab0ut a minute for the conversation to come around to football.

Just as I had planned of course.

Georgina: So Georgie Jnr. I need to tell you I am broadening my approach this season for the blog and I'm going to take a special interest in a team from each of the four top tiers. I'm going to need some help though. Some correspondents in the field. I'd like you to be my Gunners correspondent.

Georgie Jnr: OK

Georgina: So tell me, what do you think of the suggestion that Wenger is in trouble having lost most of his midfield?

Georgie Jnr: I think it'll be fine. He's got some good signings already - Nasri and Ramsey. One more would do it. Hleb's going is a good thing I think. He never shoots. He passes well but has only scored 6 or 7 in the last 3-4 seasons. Even when he's in front of the goal mouth he passes rather than shoots.

Georgina: Thanks Georgie Jnr. I'll post your report on the blog.

In case you are wondering what Georgie Jnr's footballing credentials are and whether he can be deemed fit to act as a correspondent to this blog, I can say that he has been supporting The Arse since he was about 7. He is also in a five-a-side team called " FC Supermeat".

I think that probably tells you all you need to know.

Friends, Facebook And Football

Anyone who is anyone has a social network site these days it seems.

I have to say that although I do have a Facebook site I am not very good at keeping it up to date. A case of the novelty wearing off I guess.

What I do like about such sites is it offers a great way to keep in touch with people who live at a distance. For example my stepson and his wife had a baby earlier this year. Facebook has provided a great way to track my grandson's development as it is likely to be some time before I have the opportunity to see him.

Anyway, just to keep you entertained in these quiet pre-season days, here are some suggestions for how some of our top footballers' sites might look.

There's Only One Sven

........ or is there?

Hats Off To 'Em

If you are a football purist I suggest you look away now.

For those of you remaining, I wish to announce that this season I will have a preferred team in each of the top 4 divisions.

Don't get me wrong. I'm a Leicester City girl now until I die.

But I have developed a particular interest in several other clubs. Furthermore, as I enter my second full season as a football fan, following a number of teams will help broaden my knowledge and interest.

So who will I be supporting (in an 'I'm not going to wear the t-shirt or star in the video' sort of way)?

In the Premiership it will be the Arse.

Now don't sigh. I have good reasons. I like the way the play and I like the way they go about things on the whole.

In the Championship it will be Reading.

It's a way of showing some sympathy to my lover following his team's relegation last season (and we know how that feels don't we girls).

In League One of course my beloved Foxes.

And in League Two I will be watching the progress of Luton.

I think they have been dealt a really bum deal so it's my little token of support for them.

I hope they all have some real success this season.

So boys - get out there and do your stuff. It's going to be tough but you can show 'em.

Hats off to you.

Its The Way I Tell 'Em

Fire brigade phones Kevin Keegan in the early hours of Sunday morning....
"Mr Keegan, St James' Park is on fire"
"The cups - save the cups" screams Keegan
"Don't worry sir - the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet"

Q. What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A. God doesn't think he's Alex Ferguson

Q. What do you call a Chel$ea fan on the moon?
A. A problem
Q. What do you call 100 Chel$ea fans on the moon?
A. An even bigger problem
Q. What do you call all the Chel$ea fans on the moon?
A. Problem solved

Q Why do Leeds fans whistle on the toilet?
A. So they know which end to wipe

OK. OK. I'll stop.

It's been a slow news day.

Lets hope tomorrow is better for all our sakes!

Fantasy Headlines

10 Headlines you would like to see tomorrow morning but probably won't:

"Blatter sacked as he is carried off screaming by half a dozen men in white coats"

"Leicester City fans have been victims of hypnosis and have woken to find their team's relagation was all a terrible dream"

"Capello says introducing women to the England team is the key to success"

"Ashley Cole comes out of the closet and declares undying love for John Terry"

"All speculation ended as Cristiano Renaldo makes up his mind"

"Peter Crouch really is a robot"

"Fergie in shock resignation as he heads off to rescue Leicester City"

"It's a miracle. The blind have been healed. Wenger can see!"

"Dunlop release new umbrella in the shape of Steve Mclaren's face"

"Pearson announces new second in command at Leicester. A knowledgeable Foxette by the name of Georgina Best"

Schober As A Judge

The Foxes are training in some secret location in Slovenia apparently.

There will be a friendly match but all held behind closed doors.

There is some discussion on the fan website about the delights Slovenia has to offer, including, it would seem, some 'party girls' and copious amounts of alcohol.

I'm sure the other fans know better than me the various distractions on offer to players at these summer training camps so I won't offer further comment.

I can't help wondering whether they might have chosen better if they had gone to Belarus. I heard the parties are so good even the referees join in.

Should He Stay Or Should He Go?

Stop messing about son. It's make you mind up time!

Something For The Weekend

Hands up if you hate food shopping.

Me too.

It's a miserable fact of life though isn't it. It's got to be done.

That task and a variety of others are the reason I didn't get time to post yesterday.

My lover says I have a "supermarket face" (which coincidentally is very similar to his "going up hills face"). He, bizarrely, seems to quite like the experience.

I have discovered there is only one sure way to make such a trip bearable.

No, not a raid on the chocolate at the checkout counter (although that is always a welcome distraction). Nor bombing around the shop using the trolley as a scooter (despite the almost overwhelming temptation on occasions).

The only way to survive a visit to the supermarket for me these days is to come out clutching my copy of "FourFourTwo".

I've been buying it for the last few months. It proved particularly useful for Euro 2008 and offers yet another learning opportunity to a girl trying to backfill forty something years of neglect in the football knowledge department.

The latest edition includes a FREE 36 page magazine, compellingly entitled, "FourFourTwo Weekend Wonders - inside the magically mediocre world of Sunday League".

In the absence of any football on this Saturday afternoon, therefore, I will be reading about the 20 rules of Sunday League gaffership (which include "Get a big coat" and "Get your shouting sorted"), a profile of FC Fossa, the worst five-a-side team ever (the first line of the article reads "Yeah, we are pretty s**t") and the wealth of opportunities out there for everyone to get involved (amputee football, blind football, refugee football, Jewish football, gay football , and of course not forgetting dwarf football)

Whoever said Saturdays are boring?