What If?

My lover and I have a game we like to play.

Well a number actually. But the one I am going to tell you about is a football game.

It's called "What might they have been".

So take for example football managers. What would they have been if they had not gone into football.

Here are some of our answers:

Arsene Wenger - Choreographer, a dance genius
Sir Alex - Pub Landlord, of a thriving local with an international reputation
Gary Megson - Travelling Salesman, struggling
Scolari - Coach Driver, the sort you all have a whip round to raise a collection for
Benitez - Pork Butcher, with a sharp eye for detail
Gareth Southgate - Supply Teacher, its the fear in his eyes
Roy Hodgson - Undertaker, with a soft heart
Big Sam - Pieman, of course

Why don't you play too?

Per-lease!

Watching a grown man beg and plead is never a pretty sight (actually I'm not sure I entirely believe that but we'll let that go by for the purposes of this post).

How much worse then for a top flight club to be on its knees to its fans?

Of course there are some who will never beg.

But who are quite good at making themselves noticed nevertheless.

Who?

Well who else?

"If you want me to rule out ever being Manchester United manager, I can't. Special clubs need special managers, so in theory it could work."

"Yes, Manchester United are the best team in England, but you have to ask how good has the Premier League been since I left? If I was at a top club in England I think the title race might have been a lot closer this year."

God I love that man!

Football Heaven And Hell

A sprinkle of French fairy dust and all of a sudden you find yourself in football heaven.

Lovely!

And talking of football heaven, have you booked your seats for this yet? Released 27th March.

Not that Leeds United could ever really be described in the same sentence as 'heaven'.

'Damned United' fits the bill much better.

Boy For Sale

They say everyone has a price.

They may be right.

Sir Becks is certainly willing to sell himself to more than one buyer. Simultaneously. A sort of footballing equivalent of a 'menage a trois'.

It is clearly a creed Martin Allen believes.

He has been seen out on the streets of Cheltenham this week, looking for a suitable purchaser.

It All Adds Up

0 - The number of goals Cheltenham Town scored against us today
1 - Leicester City's position in League One
4 - The number of goals we scored against Cheltenham Town today
5 - The number of goals Leicester City Under 18s scored against Birmingham City earlier this week.
10 - The number of games left for us to play this season
28 - The number of goals Matty Fryatt has scored this season
135 - The number of years Leicester City FC has been going

And perhaps most importantly of all;

2 - The number of years I have been writing this blog today (can you believe it?)

'Twas Foretold By The Greeks

The ancient Greeks were a fairly clever lot.

Take the God Hermes for example (who appears to have had an aversion to clothes).

He had quite a big portfolio of responsibilities, one of which was sport. Obviously as football had not been invented at that point this did not take up all of his time so he had other areas of work including looking after 'miscreants'.

Then there was the writer and philosopher Aristotle, who listed amongst his interests poetry and literature.It was he who defined the different genres of drama, including 'tragedy', which relies upon the protagonist having a fatal flaw that brings about his/her downfall, sometimes death.

My absolute favourite is Diogenes, who spent much of his life living in a tub - as one does.

The point is that although these clever men predated football, through their wisdom they foretold some of what was to come.

Although I can't help thinking that the showdown between this particular tragic 'hero' and his wife on her return will relegate even the most blood thirsty Greek tragedy to the 'tame' division.

Cleanliness Is Next To 'Arry

Who ever would have thought ol' 'Arry was one of these?

Open Mouthed

Sometimes there are no words!

Cheetahs

Gordon Ramsay has not been having the easiest of times has he.

Branded a cheat over his secret affair last year. Now 'found out' about claims to a Scottish football career it turns out he never really had.

And of course as we know, many subscribe to the view 'once a cheat always a cheat'. Risking the danger that you might be punished unfairly.

So sign up now to get cheetahs out of the game for good!

Happily Ever After

Do you believe in happy endings?

Not sure?

Let's try;
Once upon a time there was a great football team. Their star striker put them one up within the first few minutes of the match but towards the end of time they were two one down. But then they scored. And lived happily ever after in the Championship.

Still not sure?
Once upon a time some football fans travelled all the way to Russia to see their team defeated due to fielding a weakened side. But as they made their way home the manager of the team offered them all slap up meal. And they ate happily ever after.

What would it take to convince you?

I know what it would take to convince my lover.