Happy Birthday Fabio!

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Fabio...............
Happy Birthday to you

He Can't Go Back To Savoury Now

The current England manager has always had a certain air of mystery about him.

There were the murky allegations about his tax affairs for example.

Well this girl football lover has an exclusive story to share with you that will blow the stuff so far right out of the water.

Fabio Capello is in fact not Italian.

He is from Sheffield.

He's worked to change his appearance somewhat.

But there is no doubt they are one and the same person.

Trust me.

So do you think now that Capello has enjoyed the sweet taste of success he would consider going back to his roots?

If asked, I think he would probably say this.

Under Pressure

How ridiculous!

A story that states MK Dons are "keeping the pressure" on Leicester City.

You call 10 points pressure?

Only if you are the bottom of the table mate.

I'll tell you what pressure looks like.

Pressure is trying to remain cool in the face of this.

Or this.

For Goodness Sake France Just Score A Goal

I saw Mr Capello today.

Not in person you understand. On the TV. He was being interviewed (half time entertainment in the Romania/France match). I have to say his command of English was impressive and he was quite charming.

As for the football. Well I'm supposed to be supporting France. But I didn't fall in love with them tonight I have to say. Not that the Romanians made it easy. Weren't they great defensively?

Makes for rather boring football though. One of the commentators said as they came back on the pitch after the half time break "I feel like saying 'For goodness sake France, just score a goal'". I had the very same thought.

Oh and by the way - don't worry that all this continental excitement has made me forget the real football story of the moment.

Come on Mandy - he must be back of his holiday by now.

Sir Golden Balls?

So Capello's put ol' Golden Balls in charge.

A good shout I would say. Despite the critics who are suggesting it is a political appointment to raise our profile and increase the likelihood of us hosting the 2018 World Cup. Capello is taking a comparatively young team, having left most of the Champions' League players back home. It seems infinitely sensible to me to have someone of Beckham's leadership qualities and experience providing a steady hand at the helm.

He's becoming the Steve Redgrave of the footballing world in some ways. Someone you never dare write off.

And I have little doubt that one day he will follow in Sir Steve's footsteps and become Sir David Beckham. You can just imagine the conversation can't you:

HRH: Rise Sir David
Becks: Thank you Maam
HRH: Does one like the name "Golden Balls"?
Becks: Yes Maam, though I fear the gold has a little silver amongst it these days
HRH: (whispers) And does one still wear one's wife's underwear?
Becks: (whispers back) No Maam. I found them too restrictive when I needed to score from 70 yards.

Awae Tae Eenvade Tha Sasanacks

I haven't ventured north of the border at all since I began my foray into football.

But with Glasgow Rangers playing in the UEFA cup final tomorrow night I thought it was about time I donned my kilt, ran my fingers through my sporran and rolled in porridge oats (yes well we all have different ways of expressing ourselves!)

Walter Smith their manger is something of a controversial character it would seem from my reading on the subject. For example his team has been accused of playing "anti-football", an accusation that has also previously been levelled at our very own Mr Capello.

Doesn't seem to phase the Rangers supporters though, who despite only having an allocation of 13,000 tickets for tomorrow's match are taking 100,000 down to Manchester.

And if that doesn't give you a measure of the Scottish passion for the beautiful game, the Scottish Qualification Authority has issued a warning to school pupils not to sacrifice taking their exams on Wednesday and Thursday to go on the pilgrimage.

Well if any of those scholars are reading this I may be able to help with a bit of revision. And for the rest of us what better way to end than with a few wise Scottish saying, with translation for those less familiar with the tongue;

A bheil telebhisean agad?
We’re from the Wee Free and are hunting down God-forsaking heathens.

Ilka body disna hae the like o that.
He seems to have contracted H5N1 Bird Flu.

Better never begun than never ended.
Never do anything today that you can put off until tomorrow.

Better be freends at a distance than enemies at hame.
The perfect divorce is one that doesn't require a court restraining order.

Cast a cat ower the hoose an she'll faa on her feet.
A cat thrown over a house will land on her feet - but her screeching is sure to attract the RSPCA.

Him that keeks throu a keyhole micht see what will vex him.
Love does not stoop to spying - it hires a private detective.

Baked bread and brown ale winna bide lang.
Oh shit – I’m away tae the lavie again!

Mony a mickle maks a muckle.
Due to rampant inflation the muckle has been revalued – there are now 385 mickles to the muckle.

Don't tell me this blog is not a education all of it's own

Tears Before Bedtime

Several stories in the news today have made me think of this song.

I can see a few tears being shed one way or another during the coming days and weeks.

Mr Hollow Way is no doubt dusting off his Kleenex as we speak.

Then there is Special K, who has apparently been 'summoned' to explain himself to his Board Chair, Mr Ashley.

And you have to feel sorry for Manchester City fans as Sven prepares to go off to pastures new.

Mark Hughes is taking his ball home following Michael Carrick's successful planning application to build a house opposite his (isn't that taking inter-club rivalry just a little too far?)

And Mr Capello is by no means out of the woods as investigations into his business affairs.

But all these are people who make their living out of football.

There are others with tears on their pillow.

Spare a thought for us.

Scouts' Honour

One of the things that has impressed me so far about Mr Capello is that every time I see a match on TV he seems to be there. Scouting for talent.

Of course, with the TV and satellite coverage we get now of the football league there is an opportunity for the masses to spot individual talents as they emerge. And as we know every football fan could do the job of most managers better. Indeed, a recent competition in The Sun was aimed at recognising the scouting talent of fans.

Despite this, clubs still choose to employ the odd scout or two. Such as Gwyn Williams, credited with, amongst others, spotting John Terry at the age of 14.

Of course, as modern technology progresses it is not only the use of visual media and scouts that clubs have to rely upon to select suitable players. A more sinister development is the potential use of genetic tests to ascertain a player's potential.

You have to wonder where it will all end. And what may be next. Cloning perhaps?

PS: I just told my lover I had posted about Scouting and he got very excited and offered to show me his woggle. I'm off to stoke the campfire.

More Than Meets The Eye

So Mr Discipline is having a bit of trouble with the rules. The rules of the law in this case.

Of course I'm not making any judgement about culpability. It may all be a terrible mistake. He does seem to come to the notice of the authorities from time to time though.

Oh and I have found out something else about Mr Capello. For it would seem that his first speech on becoming England manager was not all his own work. Still, you can see where the disciplinary influence comes from.

His approach is not all 'stick' . He is also trying some 'carrot', teaching football through art - allegedly. He's certainly a force to be reckoned with when he gets cross about something though.

I can't help thinking there is more to him than meets the eye. And I know there are others who have questions about him too.

I guess we will simply have to wait and watch and see.

Girls Can Multitask

As I write this post, Man U and Bolton are slogging it out (2 0 to Man U at the moment), whilst Chelsea and Tottenham are battling it out in London (2 1 to the Chels).

The interesting thing about football is that it is so ... erm .... interesting.

For example, with the drama of those two games tonight a fan could be forgiven for focusing all their attention on those arenas.

Yet there are all sorts of other things going on too.

Such as the intensifying speculation about who will be in Capello's next England team. Becks and Walcott are rumoured to be strong candidates, with Lampard and Terry expected to join them having returned after injuries.

There is the Swansea assistant manager who has been arrested for assaulting a Bristol Rover player last night. The raid on Birmingham by the police.

But best of all, there is the voice of God.

Mateja Kezman is planning to become a monk when he leaves football we understand. It is hard to fathom how a shaved head and vow of chastity could be seen as the obvious next career move but ... hey ... who am I to judge?

So I shouldn't be surprised then that sometimes it is hard to settle on just one thing to post about.

Good job I'm a girl and can multi-task.

There's Nothing Like A Mother's Love

Happy Mother's Day!

They say, don't they, that no matter how ugly or awful someone is, their mother probably loves them. And in most cases I am sure that is true.

Despite the heartaches it is a real gift to be a mother. It is certainly one of the joys of my life.

It won't surprise you to know, therefore, that mothers are often an important feature in the lives of footballers.

For example, there is evidence to suggest that Arsene Wenger's mother is responsible for steering him towards the Gunners rather than any other team as a child. I mean look what she named him for goodness sake!

And even if they have not influenced them in a particular direction, footballer's mother's can sometimes provide us with an insight into what has inspired their offspring. Kevin Keegan will certainly be hoping Berbatov's mother's belief her son has Newcastle running through his heart will help him attract the Bulgarian player to the club in the summer.

And the theory that a love of football can be inherited seems to be proved by the fact that Frank Lampard's aunty is married to Harry Rednapp, and their son, Jamie, Frank's cousin, also has a career in the beautiful game.

Of course, the maternal influences have not all been good necessarily. There is a rumour, for instance, that Wayne Rooney's mother is responsible for his distinctive facial features because she fed him too many sprouts as a child. If that is the case, then maybe if I had put more pressure on my children to eat up their greens, one of them would now be a footballing god too. How we mothers let our children down!

And isn't it heartening to know that even one of the most famous football manager's in the world at the moment, Fabio Capello, is still the subject of his mum's worries, not least because she is concerned he may do so well that England triumph over Italy.

At the end of the day, there's nothing like a mother's love.

Tattyfilarious.

I'm not going to post about Keegan tonight (or "Special K" as I heard a fan refer to him on Talk Sport today. Get me a bucket!). Except to say he is not the Messiah. Trust me.

The other compelling story of the day, which I think would have had more coverage if the Magpies hadn't stolen the limelight, is a certain investigation into the tax affairs of one Fabio Capello.

I'm not going to comment on the ins and outs of the situation of course. Just remember that crossing swords with the Her Majesty's Inspector of Taxes is not always a bad thing. Lester might disagree of course. But for some it has provided unlimited material for a comedy routine. Gems such as;

"I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside."

and;

"I thought it would be a good idea to go into Politics, maybe I am a little old... but you know... I'd love to be Chancellor of the Exchequer - That way I'll be united with my money!”

Not that the Tax Inspector is likely to come knocking on any of our doors these days. They don't know where any of us live. Some bizarre story about a computer disc and an errant parcel delivery boy.

And now it's time for me to go. It's just left for me to say;

"What a great day for going up to a Newcastle fan, tickling him behind his elbow and saying Who are ya? Who are ya?"

Blatter Patter And Other Matters

Gabor Bori. Not the name of someone from a Russian spy thriller but the latest signing for The Foxes.

Who incidentally shares my birthday, although there is a slight difference in our ages.

He is used to playing in blue and white, which are the home colours of his Hungarian team, MTK Hungária FC, so at least that is one adjustment he won't have to make.

Of course Bori is not the only foreigner to be making an impact on the football scene. The transfer window is seeing a frenzy of activity as clubs swap players and bring in new ones from the continent and further afield.

And then there is the biggest news of all - Mr Capello himself - who officially started at the office yesterday, although he was out and about at the weekend watching potential England squad recruits.

Interestingly, despite a warm welcome from England, Mr Capello's appointment has attracted criticism from none other than Sepp Blatter, the president of FIFA.

I have to accept that is a real name, whatever my instincts might tell me. And judging by his views on how women's football might be improved, is probably very apt.