Mistaken Identity

I met up with Mr Charlton Athletic again today.

It took about 30 seconds to descend into conversation about the beautiful game.

"Who do you support?", MCA asked our neighbour.

"Manchester United" he said.

MCA and GB exchanged a meaningful look.

But then our new friend told us the tale of how he came to support the ManUre.

When he was about 6 or 7 he had an older teenage cousin (about 16/17) whom he thought was the coolest thing on the planet.

He came to the house one day wearing a beautiful silk football scarf.

Our friend duly pressurised his mother into buying him one and could barely contain his excitment when he got home to ring his cousin to tell him.

"I've got a Man United scarf now just like yours"

Sadly, readers, his joy was somewhat marred when his cousin explained he was a West Ham supporter and would no more dream of sporting a Man Utd scarf than fly to the moon.

But as our friend explained it was too late.

He was saddled.

He looked slightly embarassed as he went on to confess that he has passed this dreadful curse onto his children and other family members.

There really are some tragedies in football, aren't there?

How Green Is My Football Pitch?

Ever wondered which football club is the greenest?

No?

OK.

But other than The Arse and ManUre being held to draws (by the skin of their teeth), there is little else to think about, is there?

So, which football club do you think is the greenest?

Well yes, obviously none at the moment, (they don't make 'em like they used to), but in an ecological sense.

Dartford FC apparently

Whoever they are.

Still, they are not the only ones partial to a bit of recycling, so maybe there is something to be said for it.

Game On

My Lover is plotting.

Plotting and planning to introduce a huge flatscreen into our bijou living room.

What you need to know is that since My Lover and I started living together two years ago we have gradually developed a more alternative sort of lifestyle and home.

For example we hardly ever use the central heating. Only on the coldest of nights to stop the pipes bursting.

We have a little woodburner instead and go out foraging for wood to burn in it.

We have the odd luxury.

Our electric blankets, for example, are a source of constant joy.

But mostly we live fairly simply.

We do have a small TV and our lap tops.

But that is pretty much it as technology goes (apart from a couple of pairs of very wonderful Specsaver hearing aids).

So the arrival of a 42" LED screen to be mounted on the wall of our front room would have a significant impact.

I protested, of course, when he first suggested the idea.

For a considerable time in fact.

He tried various strategies.

I saw them all coming.

But then he struck below the belt, sticking his foot out Roy Keane style to trip me up.

"We would be able to watch football. Lots of football. Football every day if we wanted".

He must have spotted some sign of weakness because he maintained this tactic for a considerable time.

I started to have moments when I began to wonder if he had a point.

Then the final body blow.

"You'd be able to sit on the settee with an infra red keypad and mouse and write your blog with it up on the big screen"

Game over.

Steaming ManUre

Have you been doing any of this?

Me neither.

I've had my nose to the grindstone instead.

What's more, all this wintery weather has meant most football fixtures are being postponed, resulting in it being very sparse for those of us seeking the odd titbit or two to weave into a blog post.

My lover and I had been seriously contemplating a trip up the Fosse Way on Sunday to watch The Foxes and by pure coincidence possibly catch a glance of a certain fiery Irishman.

"It might be cancelled", said my lover, "unless they have a heated pitch at The Walkers".
"Yeah right", I laughed at such a flight of fancy.

But apparently such things do exist.

Presumably they don't need artificial aids at Old Trafford.

To Be Or Not To Be

In an effort to raise the intellectual status of this blog, I have decided to post about some football philosophers.

No not that lot.

(By the way - take a second look at that video above - about a minute in. I swear the linesman on the right is Terry Wogan.....!).

But there really are football philosophers.

For example Alexander Conan Doyle;

"To give and to take, to accept success modestly and defeat bravely, to fight against odds, to stick to one's point, to give credit to your enemy and value your friend - these are some of the lessons which football should impart"

Bob Marley;

"Football is a part of I. When I play the world wakes up around me"

Leon Trotsky;

"The revolution will inevitably awaken in the British working class the deepest passions which have been diverted along artificial channels with the aid of football"

And Rupert Brooke - sort of...;

"There's some corner of a foreign field that is forever Ingerland"

Of course I am not averse to asking the odd searching philosophical question myself.

Maybe they will make a statue of me one day.

Thar' She Blows

The waters are definitely choppy around the good ship Pompey.

Those Portsmouth fans face challenging times.

They come from a city with a history of standing up at times of adversity.

Their war-cry is notorious.

The best quality exponents of the "stiff upper lip".

Lets hope they can dig deep and capture some of that to see them through.

Case Study

We are going go do a case study tonight girls.

We are going to focus upon one specific individual in the world of football.

Study closely their every move.

Watch their behaviour and make careful note.

Now before we start you will need to ensure you are comfortably seated, with a glass of champagne and a box of good quality chocolates.

OK. Now pay the closest attention to this clip.

Notice all the information you can.

Away we go.

There!

Now, I want to focus on some very particular details.

Did you note how upright he always holds himself?

How he moves his head from side to side, watching the action before him?

And that distinctive voice and accent.

Do these things remind you of a certain other celebrity?

Come on.

It's on the tip of your tongue isn't it?

That's right.

Tales Of Heaven Hell and Doughnuts.

I don't pretend to feel pleased for Leeds but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying the drama of today's result.

Fergie's not happy.

Not happy at all.

Someone's gonna get blasted.

It's gonna get loud in there as he deals with each of the miscreants in turn.

They won't know what hit them.

Beware those who stir the sleeping dragon.

Those poor boys.

Their life will be hell.

What a contrast to the day I have had.

Sorting paperwork this morning.

Boring but satisfying.

Then to lunch at a friends with a whole group of people we barely know.

And spending the afternoon singing and playing together.

Now that's my idea of heaven!

Which reminds me of a dreadful joke my lover tells.

How did Bob Marley like his doughnuts?

With jammin' of course.

Ol' Nana Best Knows A Thing Or Two

We were sitting at our dining room table.

Me checking out for updates on Facebook.

My Lover reviewing the day's football results.

We had been immersed in them all afternoon as we presented our live radio show, following the action.

"Let's see how much your remember of today's results then", he said

"Tottenham Peterborough"

"Three Nil", I said, almost without thinking.

"Four Nil actually. A late goal", (we had missed the last 5 mins of the games live).

"Middlesborough Man City"

"1 0 to City"

Preston North End Colchester"

"7 0 to Preston"

And so it went on. I was there or thereabouts on all of them.

Spot on with The Foxes 2 1 win over Swansea of course.

My Lover said "You have a great head for football statistics. That is really important in a football fan. It means you build a body of knowledge you can access in the future. In ten year's time you'll be able to say "Gary Megson. You know that bloke who was at Leicester briefly then went of to find fame and fortune at Bolton, only to spend a year being jeered by his own fans louder than any opposition ones. In the wilderness for 8 years then rebranded and relaunched by the BBC to be the revolutionary new face of Match Of The Day. 2 months before it was taken off air"

I smiled at the thought, relishing the prospect of being the fount of all football knowledge post March 7th 2007 for my grandchildren and great grandchildren.

"Ol' Nana Best, she knows a thing or two about football", they will say.

I'll Drink To That

159 days to go.

I will be getting my diary out this weekend and starting to plan to ensure, at the very least, I can see all England's potential matches, and of course the semi-finals and final.

Before that of course all the excitement of the Premiership and the FA Cup.

And the Champions League.

2010 has all the makings of a vintage year.

I'll drink to that.