Watching Me Watching You

I have been on leave today with my lover.

We have been down to Shepton Mallet to play tunes to a group of older prisoners.

We got there early so wandered into town to savour the delights.

It felt a long hour and a half.

Exacerbated by a particularly disturbing public toilet experience.

Now before you get too excited, it was just me and a voice.

All started well as I shut the door and the lights came on and the wonderful Moonlight Sonata struck up in the background.

After making use of the facility, I pressed the symbol and as if by magic the flush was operated.

Then it all took a much more sinister turn.

I put my hands into the sink in the wall as indicated.

The sign said soap would be dispensed automatically, followed by water and warm air.

Nothing.

I waved my hands around inside the sink.

Still nothing.

Then the voice.

"This toilet is protected by security. Your time is limited. You will be told when it is time to leave".

'"B****r the water", I thought, "I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here".

Relief that the door opened.

And to crown it all - bumping into a sign that said "Mendip District Council. The cleanest District Council in the country".

If my experiences were any indication of what might await any anti-social behaviour of the messy kind, I'm not surprised.

Anyway, to get to the football denouement of this tale.

We arrived at prison at about 6.30pm.

We performed a set in two halves.

Not of this standard of course but the audience was appreciative.

We got chatting afterwards.

To a Glaswegian man who had been inside for years.

A Partick Thistle fan interestingly.

No truck with the Old Firm.

If only we had known beforehand, we could have learnt some of these.