11 Ways To Enjoy Vaseline And Vomit

That'll teach me not to check my emails more regularly.

When I did look, buried amongst the many twitter posts from my friend Stroudy, was an email from someone alerting me to a campaign being launched by the FA.

They are concerned about the decline in the numbers of people playing 11 a-side club football. 400 fewer teams registered last year.

Anyway, as part of this initiative, the FA commissioned a film to use humour to try to win hearts and minds to the idea.

So sit back, put your feet up, and see if you feel inspired.

PS Please drop me a line if you know how to slomo that Vaseline shot.

The Football Fairy

When I walked into my office today, I found a small newspaper cutting protected by sellotape perched between the keys on my keyboard.

It was entitled "Foxes In Hunt For Super Kev".

Apparently we are after Kevin Phillips.

I have concluded that the informative gift must have been left by 1 of 2 people.

Either it was the football fairy.

Or it was Sandy.

Or maybe Sandy is in fact the football fairy..............

Feudal Lord

Even knights of the realm blow a gasket sometimes.

Although in this case it seems it is more than sometimes.

Something For The Weekend

I've been here all weekend.

Watching my lover's son's band headlining on Saturday night.

They have been touring America for the last 4 months and are really hot at the moment.

And having decided to leave my laptop behind (hence the lack of posts), I was somewhat cut off from the outside world for a couple of days.

Pleased then to come back to this news.

And chilled enough not to indulge in too much "schadenfreude" when seeing this news.

It's not kind to mock the afflicted after all.

Always nice to have a little something to smile about at the weekend though.

United Breaks Guitars

Isn't it reassuring to know that in a world where it seems you can expect money to buy you anything, and where apathy to rise up and fight for a fairer world is all around us, sometimes the little guy still wins.

Love it.

A Punch And A Kick Does The Trick

This is post number 800!

What am I doing to celebrate?

Well I'm stuck in a London hotel at a 2 day planning event, wishing I was tucked up next to my lover instead.

Even if he has been surreptitiously posting on my blog.

He proved to be right about Sven, although I am much more sceptical about his Beckham story.

So as I surface this evening after a day ensconced discussing important things with important people, I can at last concentrate on the things that really matter, such as what is going on in the football world.

Which at the moment seems to revolve around throwing punches from what I could see.

Like this.

And this.

Excepting of course a certain £80million player, when kicking seems to be much more the order of the day.

I do hope he didn't get his nice white kit all dirty.

SVEN-Gali

She's away again. So it's me. The old bear. It's been quite a week. Slowly, surreptitiously, I've been introducing GB to the C word ! Not an immediate fan, I'll grant you.......but !

She said to me last night.......archly........" Bear, I've a question for you" I answered in a cool manner-underneath thinking "oh-er"

" I want you Bear, to tell me the nick names of the following People"

My heart sunk ! I thought quickly to myself, how much is there to know about Harry Potter ?

However, my fears calmed quickly when she uttered the following words.

"Phil Tufnell"

I quickly replied "The Cat"

It was like I was a genius because her face lit up and she exclaimed
"Wow, I'm impressed"

At this point I knew I had her in my palm. The world of Cricket is before her.

My passion for both Football and Cricket knows no bounds. I've been fascinated by the latest test series, a contest going back over a hundred years. In particular the departure of Mr Pontin during the first Australian Innings was a piquant moment to savour.

In football, GB has pointed to the exploits of David Beckham in her last post. America, does not deserve him. He should have done a Cantana !

I saw today that Sven might be going to Notts County Then I heard THIS !!!!!

Don't say you didn't hear it here (sort of) first.

Love to all. GB in the big city tomorrow with groovy lappy and attached...er...dongle. Hopefully, you'll say "Please post soon Georgie"


And she will

Love HL

Oh....and here's groovy tune from the Guy GB and I went to see the other night.

L.A. Galaxy Fans - Come On Down

Regular readers of this blog will know I am something of a David Beckham fan.

When I say "something of", what I really mean is "I go weak at the knees whenever I see a picture of him" sort of fan.

And of course, one of his major appeal factors is that lovely "clean" sort of feel he has to him.

You know, you could take him to see your gran and even she would find a way to excuse his tattoos.

Even so, for a girl who has been known to look across to the dark side on the odd occasion, it is reassuring to know that within that wholesome exterior there still lurks something of a bad boy.

Harry Potter And The Northern Football Club

What's the difference between Manchester City and a Harry Potter movie?

Both have big budgets.

Both have a cast of stars.

Both are eagerly awaited by expectant fans.

The difference?

Well one is guaranteed to be successful and full of magic.

And the other we don't yet know about.

They Don't Know If They Are Coming Or Going

So Joe Kinnear is definitely not going back to Newcastle.

Oh no - hang on - he definitely is going back.

And Blackburn may bid for Alan Smith.

But there would be no point would there.

Seems to me right now Newcastle don't know their **** from their *****.

Red Faced

Are you feeling fed up with waiting for the football season?

Me too.

Or at least I was until last night.

After I came in from my late meeting and was reading My Lover's post (and thanks for the warning Latic!) I visited Blue Maniac's blog.

He described going to both pre-season friendly games which were recently played on the same day.

Talk about hanging my head in shame.

I'm going to crawl quietly into a corner and wait for the new season to start.

An interesting question.

It's him again.

As I was getting ready for work this morning, I had the thought......... who will score most goals next season ?

This guy, this guy or maybe, someone of whom we've yet to hear ?

HL

Him Indoors !

Fraid' GB is away tonight on citizenship duties and, I'm tasked with entertaining you readers. Tin hats everyone !

I'm having a trying evening.Firstly, because I was late back from work I relied on GB to cook tea. I was given these . As a consequence,I need empathy and love.

Also, I've heard Mr A is off to Citeh.

Loyal fans of this blog will know well, GB, Junior Gooner and I have a difference of opinion about the Arse.

Losing this giant of a team player will spur the spawn of the devil, hateful London side to greater achievement in the Prem. Never was there such a donkey. Grrrr indeed !

Mind you, I suppose he's likely to wreak havoc at Wastelands too so maybe things aren't so bad after all.

On a slightly more positive note for me, Liverpool may represent a more settled club this year. I hear you sniggering and I fear in my heart you may be right, but I'm hoping for that distant miracle.

Finally, can I recommend to all GB's readers, that if you like groovy music, have a look at a band that plays simply, with one microphone ?

Peace and Love

HL

Oh Ye Of Little Faith

Michael Owen has had his doubters.

But Sir Alex seems pretty convinced.

Am I Bovvered?

So will Becks go back on loan to AC Milan?

Or come back to the Prem?

Looking at this, I'm not sure that right now he's bovvered!

Give Us A Song

Some football players are motivated by money (allegedly).

Some football players are motivated by ego.

Some football players are motivated by a pure love for football.

And some football players are motivated by ..erm ... singing.

Well and why not?

Woosh!

Ever heard the expression "light the touch paper"?

Watch this one go up I would say.

Cock Of The Roost

Do you recall my memorable visit to Swindon FC?

Well despite trying to erase the painful experience from my memory, one thing did stick.

I recall being impressed by one of their players - Simon Cox.

So I'm not surprised to hear he is off to West Bromich Albion.

And talking of Cox, I gather Alan Shearer is getting cross and stamping his little feet.

Does explain the hair loss though.

Anything Is Possible

This will be a short post I'm afraid.

I am in the lobby at the Hinkley Island Hotel near Nuneaton.

Lucky me!

At a conference which could be more stimulating but hey - dinner beckons.

So you get about 5 mins of me logged on to the wifi in reception.

Just enough time to tell you that hot on the heels of Micheal Owen's success following the publication of his sales brochure, a group of Gunners fans have produced a similar publication for Adebayor.

Of course, it might be considered as something of a disadvantage that fans are prepared to go to such lengths to get rid of him.

Then again, I have learnt that in football - anything is possible!

Spooky!

Do you believe in ghosts?

I'm not sure.

If you are interested in the supernatural though you will no doubt have a view on that Neverland sighting.

I'm not sure if there are any ghosts in the football world.

The odd ghost ball maybe.

Or ghost player.

Only one thing for it.

Fishin' Blues

My lover sent my boy a pie.

My boy, Junior Goonier was very pleased, not least as it arrived just after a 4 day stint of fishing. Apparently he was living on bacon sandwiches and hadn't eaten properly for days.

We aim to please.

Anyway, it meant we got to have a bit of a natter. Haven't caught up with him for ages

Like my lover and I, he thinks Terry can be bought.

And like we said - then where would Chel$ea be?

Owen to the ManUre. Shrewd move on Fergie's part we reckon.

MO could well be headed for a renaissance.

So what about Cesc? Would he go for the right amount?

Seems it may not be down to him at the end of the day.

So much going on. So many worries. Will the Arse get the players they need to prove what they are capable of within their tight budget?

I do hope my boy's not worrying himself too much about it.

There Are Some Things You Can't Get With A Credit Card

The value of Cristiano Ronaldo?

80 million pounds.

The value of Newcastle United?

80 million pounds.

The value of one of Georgina's posts?

PRICELESS.

What Goes Around Comes Around

Some characters in football are just like a bad penny.

They may not be around for a while but they always turn up again eventually.

Ken Bates is one such man.

Now he's been found guilty of libel and has to pay out £50,000 damages plus £1.5 million costs.

No small sum.

I'm a great believer that what goes around comes around.

And that our sins will always catch up with us eventually.

So maybe Mr Bates is reaping the rewards for his part in the demonisation of fans that resulted in this.

Football Mysteries

Well they said they were going to do it.

And now they actually have.

You will probably call me a hypocrite. After all, just last night I was having a pop at the Scottish.

But it is done with good heart and a big dose of 'tongue-in-cheek'.

It's a complete mystery to me how that can be taken so much further until it becomes hatred.

Ridiculous really.

And talking of complete mysteries, what about the sudden change in betting patterns on Michael Owen going to the Manure?

My lover, it has to be said, predicted that move from the start.

How could he possibly have known?

Yet another of those football mysteries.

Phew!

I've had one of those evenings that remind you how your life can change within seconds.

As I drove home from seeing my parents (my dad is coming along really well by the way), there was a car accident about 3 cars in front of me. Two cars involved. One with a couple in their 60s and the other with 4 lads in, aged about 16-18. The older couple were very shocked but clearly saved by their seat belts and air bags. The lads did not fare so well. The driver was pretty OK because he had an airbag, but it was an old car and the others only had their seat belts to protect them. The two back seat passengers were particularly badly injured although remained more or less conscious.

Of course the emergency services came and did their bit. Always amazing and indeed reassuring to see them in action.

It does make you think though. A few seconds earlier it could have been me in my little gold Yaris.

And such acts of fate or whatever you choose to call them, have no respect for who you are.

I'm just pleased the outcome on this particular occasion was not too bad. It could have been so much worse.