Chain Saw Massacre

There we were.

My lover and I.

In our matching navy blue overalls, standing in our shed surrounded by piles of wood, some cut some not, and a small portable radio.

We listened as Liverpool and the ManUre lined up to face each other.

We looked at each other across the workbench.

They kicked off.

My lover pulled the trigger and revved the chainsaw.

Vrooooom!!

We proceeded to cut up about 30 lengths of timber, fencing and poles given to us by kind friends and family, who bemused by our strange lifestyle, nevertheless support us by saving any wood that comes their way.

Between cuts we listened as the teams battled.

Torres scores!

Another plank bites the dust.

There's just a few bits left to cut.

Nearly there.

Liverpool score again.

It's all over. The wood is in pieces.

We look around us at the devastation.

It's been a massacre.

Are Fergie's Pants About To Fall Down?

Has Fergie finally run out of elastic?

Has the end of the time when no-one dare utter a word against him finally come?

It's probably too early to say yet but it is interesting that there is increasing momentum in statements made publicly by former referee Graham Poll.

It started back in January with Rafa's rant.

Which Poll backed.

More recently Poll wrote in his Mail column about the 'unwritten rule' that matches at the ManUre's ground go on until the home team win.

And now today he has spoken about Fergie's personal comments directed at Wiley.

We all know what happens when the elastic runs out.

Your pants fall down.

Ungrace And Out Of Favour

Oh dear Fergie.

You do have a propensity to lack a bit of grace sometimes - great as you may be.

I have to say trying to personalise things the way he does just makes him look a bit - well undignified.

Anyway, in my experience, the best way to deal with such petulance is to ignore it.

So lets instead think about The Foxes' creditable draw against Coventry today.

'Nother point in the bag.

A Moment Of Peace Amongst The Shark Bites And Dog Fights

Interesting that the Guardian have done some research and discovered that there is some substance to the suggestions that the ManUre do get a little assistance when losing after all ......

Still if we hadn't had all that extra time we would not have had the entertainment and drama would we?

But lets take a step back for a few moments.

Football is not always about shark bites and dog fights.

Sometimes a few moments quiet reflection is what is required (run the slide show).

That's Football

Is it just me or are the ManUre becoming increasingly brutal in their efforts not to allow their crown to slip?

It seems that the reduction in their 'pretty' skills since the loss of Ronaldo has resulted in an increase in the use of the likes of Scholes, Fletcher and Vidic to elbow, push and kick their way through the opposition.

And it has to be said it is pretty effective. Really sad to see Tottenham rattled sufficiently to lose their initial rhythm which, had they sustained it, could, in my humble opinion, have resulted in them steamrolling Fegie's lot.

But - as they say - that's football!

Oh Ye Of Little Faith

Michael Owen has had his doubters.

But Sir Alex seems pretty convinced.

Fishin' Blues

My lover sent my boy a pie.

My boy, Junior Goonier was very pleased, not least as it arrived just after a 4 day stint of fishing. Apparently he was living on bacon sandwiches and hadn't eaten properly for days.

We aim to please.

Anyway, it meant we got to have a bit of a natter. Haven't caught up with him for ages

Like my lover and I, he thinks Terry can be bought.

And like we said - then where would Chel$ea be?

Owen to the ManUre. Shrewd move on Fergie's part we reckon.

MO could well be headed for a renaissance.

So what about Cesc? Would he go for the right amount?

Seems it may not be down to him at the end of the day.

So much going on. So many worries. Will the Arse get the players they need to prove what they are capable of within their tight budget?

I do hope my boy's not worrying himself too much about it.

Cheerio Cheerio Cheerio

So if you were a ManUre fan today what would you be saying?

Would you be bemoaning the loss of such a talented player?

Or would you be glad to see the back of his petulance and whingeing?

And if I was a ManUre fan what would I be saying?

Almost certainly this.

I can't help wondering if Real Madrid will come to regret their decision though.

For another £20 million they could have bought a whole club!

A Question Of Dignity

I was saddened to learn of Steve Coppell's departure from Reading.

From what I have seen of him he seems a decent manager and indeed a decent man with considerable dignity.

It does go to show though that the right fit between manager and club includes the whole dynamic, and not simply a question of having good management skills.

I can't help thinking there will be a few clubs queuing up to offer him a new position.

Oh and today's other piece of important news for any of you who watched the Champion's League Semi-Final second leg between the ManUre and the Arse and listened to Jens Lehmann at half time explaining away Almunia's goalkeeping error, is that it is highly improbable that a football speeds up in the air as suggested.

Talk about making yourself look silly.

Somehow I can't imagine Mr Coppell making such a claim. Can you?

He has far too much dignity.

An Appealing Explanation

Some of you may be feeling a bit confused about this whole ManUre/UEFA appeal thing.

So I thought I would offer my help.

Darren Fletcher gets a red card in the second leg of the semi-final of the Champions League. And gets sent off of course. Most people consider unfairly.

Arsenal score from the resulting penalty.

Darren Fletcher is suspended for the next match. The final.

There is no appeal process against such decisions.

Which everyone agrees is very silly.

But then UEFA hint that they might look kindly on an appeal.

So the ManUre submit an appeal "on compassionate grounds".

That appeal is then refused. Out of time and no evidence of a wrong decision.

The ManUre have 3 days to appeal this appeal decision.

Even though there is no appeal process.

Hope that has clarified things for you.

PS Tonight's picture has nothing whatsoever to do with this story. I just think it is groovy.

Sing When You're Winning

What is the difference between a ManUre fan and a Liverpool fan?

ManUre fans only sing when they are winning and leave early if they are not.

Judging by yesterday's performance anyway.

Whereas Liverpool fans sing all the way through. No matter what.

Although I have to say my lover is not singing here tonight.

In fact he's very quiet...............

Dent-ed

Sir Alex of the ManUre.

According to the Telegraph this morning, in his reign at Old Trafford his teams have only lost 15% of their matches. According to Wikipedia, before today's match his win rate was 58.38.

Slight dent in those stats today I would suggest.

Not to mention his pride.

Per-lease!

Watching a grown man beg and plead is never a pretty sight (actually I'm not sure I entirely believe that but we'll let that go by for the purposes of this post).

How much worse then for a top flight club to be on its knees to its fans?

Of course there are some who will never beg.

But who are quite good at making themselves noticed nevertheless.

Who?

Well who else?

"If you want me to rule out ever being Manchester United manager, I can't. Special clubs need special managers, so in theory it could work."

"Yes, Manchester United are the best team in England, but you have to ask how good has the Premier League been since I left? If I was at a top club in England I think the title race might have been a lot closer this year."

God I love that man!

When Sheep Fly

I am a Leicester City fan and therefore unable to say anything positive about any of our neighbouring competitors or risk breaching the laws of blasphemy.

If I wasn't, though, I would have to say that Derby County put up an amazing fight against The ManUre today.

Sure they were outgunned. But they played with real tenacity and spirit.

Nigel Cluff is proving to be a very interesting character. Different in so many ways to his father, but having his own sizeable portion of charisma and flair.

Watch that space I would say.

Derby are on the up.

Glory Glory

Glory glory Man Utd!

Don't worry. Only joking.

They are on fire though aren't they. 5 goals by 4 different people.

West Brom just provided the platform for them to shine.

Meanwhile, we have another point tucked neatly in the bag. 10 points ahead now thanks to MKD's losing.

And as if that isn't all joy enough, my dad is coming out of hospital later this week.

Now there's a man still yet to have his Man Utd moment.

But he will.

Conspiracy Theories

Make up your mind 'Arry.

Are you going to field your weakest team today?

Or your strongest team?

Maybe he has so many injuries in the squad they are the same thing anyway.

Or maybe it is a smoke and mirrors move to disguise some cunning plan.

And talking of conspiracy theories - what about Ulrika winning Celebrity Big Brother?

Nominated consistently by her housemates. Long odds of 12/1 to win (compared to Verne who was 5/1). And very very irritating.

So who on earth was voting for her?

What is the demographic that explains that?

Want to know my theory?

OK.

Terry Christian (my favourite to win) whom she was up against in the final vote just happens to be a mad bonkers ManUre fan. Famous for it.

So everyone who dislikes the ManUre goes into the Ulrika camp.

Reinforced by Ulrika's Sven connection with their arch rivals Manchester City.

And Ulrika's connection with football generally.

In other words, it was football that made the difference.

She's been planning it for years.

And no-one saw it coming.

You heard it here first.

Ouch!

Actions speak louder than words.

So what better way to respond to Benitez's criticism?

Ol' Fergie doesn't seem to badly injured by it all does he?

Unlike poor old Chelsea.

I can see Scolari licking his wounds as we speak.

Today's The Day

Mystery of the day: What's going on at Arsenal?

Best quote of the day: "I wouldn't sell them a virus"

Boast of the day: I'm the man

Surprising geographical change of the day: Norwich, it would seem, is now in Scotland

Consolation of the day: My lover couldn't answer any more questions than me of this quiz - i.e. nul points!

Highlight of the day: Georgina Best sang a solo in Gloucester Cathedral.

In The Eye Of The Beholder

According to the Telegraph today, Chelsea "won ugly" last night.

That's the third time I have heard that expression.

The first time was when my lover said that England had won ugly against Kazakhstan a few weeks ago.

Then last night he was chatting to Luton Andy on the phone. They agreed that Liverpool, Chel$ea and ManUre all stand a chance of winning the Prem this season because they can win ugly. The Arse on the other hand (according to these two pundits) can't and do beautiful or nothing.

I can't say I'm entirely sure quite what it means. I presume it means that a scrappy goal is as good as a magnificent one on the score sheet.

Of course there are some people who could never be considered ugly - no matter how poor the football.

The Boys Done Good

What a great night of football last night.

Wenger and the boys defeated their critics and have every right to celebrate after their fantastic display against Fenerbahce.

And Sir Alex is undoubtedly justified in enjoying a little wine following the ManUre's sparkling win (despite several dodgy refereeing decisions) - which would probably explain his very purple nose when he was interviewed last night.

Whilst we are on the subject of these two managers, it seems there is evidence that a degree of peace has broken out between them in recent months.

It's no surprise if there is mutual respect - they are after all both high achieving managers and in my view very gifted in their own individual ways. What they certainly have in common is the ability to remain successful despite the massive change that has gone on in football during their management careers.

Presumably one of the secrets of their success is an ability to adapt...........