Chain Saw Massacre

There we were.

My lover and I.

In our matching navy blue overalls, standing in our shed surrounded by piles of wood, some cut some not, and a small portable radio.

We listened as Liverpool and the ManUre lined up to face each other.

We looked at each other across the workbench.

They kicked off.

My lover pulled the trigger and revved the chainsaw.

Vrooooom!!

We proceeded to cut up about 30 lengths of timber, fencing and poles given to us by kind friends and family, who bemused by our strange lifestyle, nevertheless support us by saving any wood that comes their way.

Between cuts we listened as the teams battled.

Torres scores!

Another plank bites the dust.

There's just a few bits left to cut.

Nearly there.

Liverpool score again.

It's all over. The wood is in pieces.

We look around us at the devastation.

It's been a massacre.

Do As I Say Not As I Do

So 1 0 up at half time.

Hope Liverpool manage to score again in the second half.

Otherwise St Stevie of Me may have to resort to this just to make sure victory is secured.

You know what they say.

Sssshhh Don't Mention It

I don't know if I mentioned it but my lover is away this week.

He has gone to Spain.

Yes I know, hard to believe he could contemplate being away from the lovely Georgina, but there you go.

Of course it does mean that there was no-one there to mop his tears last night as Liverpool failed to secure a much needed win.

Poor lamb!

Best not to mention a certain Russian phenomenon.

Sing When You're Winning

What is the difference between a ManUre fan and a Liverpool fan?

ManUre fans only sing when they are winning and leave early if they are not.

Judging by yesterday's performance anyway.

Whereas Liverpool fans sing all the way through. No matter what.

Although I have to say my lover is not singing here tonight.

In fact he's very quiet...............

Five Nil Five Nil Five Nil Five Nil

I'm struggling to hear myself think here.

My lover is wandering round the house singing "Five Nil, Five Nil, Five Nil Five Nil".

It's not that I begrudge him the win.

But it is a bit hard trying to hold a conversation;

Georgina: "What are we having for tea?"

Lover: "Did you see that first goal? What a finish."

Georgina: "What have you got on at work tomorrow?"

Lover: "Steven Gerrard is a god".

Georgina: "OK. I give up. Five Nil Five Nil Five Nil Five Nil".

How To Make Friends

Home at last!

London is OK in its own way - it's the home of the Gunners after all.

But being more a country girl it's nice to come back to snowbound Gloucestershire.

And I come back with three more friends made through football.

It started when during one of the breaks, whilst waiting for the trainer to return, I was reading my March copy of FourFourTwo.

"You don't look like a typical FourFourTwo reader", a voice from across the room said.

So I told him the story of how I came to football. That it wasn't long ago and that I approached it with cynicism. How now I love the game with a passion and write a daily blog.

I gave him my card.

By this morning he'd taken a peek.

The conversation was joined by the man next to me. Who is a Liverpool fan it turns out. And who thinks Robbie Keane is a nightmare and Rafa is brilliant.

Then at lunch time today I sat next to a Chelsea fan and we agreed it was time the special one returned.

Football's such a great way of communicating isn't it.

Hey Big Spenders

Despite expectations, Manchester City were not the highest spending club in the transfer window.

It was in fact Tottenham, who spent 48 million.

Liverpool, Everton, Fulham, Sunderland,Middlesborough and West Brom spent nothing.

A total of 160 million pounds was spent but if you take out the two big spenders, the rest who spent only paid out an average of just over 5 million each.

Of course Man City would probably have spent more had they not been the subject of the odd high profile rejection.

What does Georgina think of all this?

Well like many girls I like a man who is prepared to splash a bit of cash.

In The Eye Of The Beholder

According to the Telegraph today, Chelsea "won ugly" last night.

That's the third time I have heard that expression.

The first time was when my lover said that England had won ugly against Kazakhstan a few weeks ago.

Then last night he was chatting to Luton Andy on the phone. They agreed that Liverpool, Chel$ea and ManUre all stand a chance of winning the Prem this season because they can win ugly. The Arse on the other hand (according to these two pundits) can't and do beautiful or nothing.

I can't say I'm entirely sure quite what it means. I presume it means that a scrappy goal is as good as a magnificent one on the score sheet.

Of course there are some people who could never be considered ugly - no matter how poor the football.

Snatched From The Lion's Jaws

I was cuddled up to my lover yesterday afternoon when we heard the score.

Liverpool were 2 - 0 down to Manchester City.

My lover sort of whimpered.

"That's it. They're done for".

He is convinced Liverpool are going to win the Prem this year.

We disagree.

I think Chel$ea will triumph (much as I would rather it was the Arse)

Anyway, as a result of hearing that scoreline, my lover decided that was the downward turning point for Liverpool's season and all hope of being champions was lost.

After some more cuddling up, we heard the final score.

2 -3! How did that happen?

Now all of a sudden Liverpool are back on as favourites to top the Premiership by some in our household.

And if guts has anything to do with it, they may just stand a chance.

Fair play to them I say.

I'm In Heaven

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.

It's not always true.

For example, because I am not seeing much of this man these days, this man is rapidly replacing him as my trigger for a slightly increased heart rate and general object of my affection.

And his team played great football against Liverpool this afternoon. Although that goal from Torres was class I have to admit.

But as a general rule, I do think absence does make the heart grow fonder.

Why else would my lover and I be celebrating the return of the Premiership season with a football fest?

The morning spent gardening, listening to the buildup on the radio. The early afternoon spent listening to the Arse just about manage to beat WBA, then the Foxes only manage an unlucky draw. And late afternoon at the pub with half a Fosters and a bag of Mini Cheddars watching the Sunderland/Liverpool battle.

And there is still MOTD to come.

What a great day.

Head In The Clouds

"He's big He's red His feet stick out in bed"

I do love Peter Crouch you know.

He reminds me of my son in a way.

But he is much much much much much much taller.

Liverpool won't be the same without him, that's for sure.

The good news of course is we might see more of him playing now he is at Pompey.

What I like best about him is his 'differentness'. I mean if you had never seen him before and were asked to guess what he did for a living, football player would probably be very low down on the list.

Even at school he stood out from the crowd.

He is confined to a world where almost everything is too small for him.

Good job he has a sense of humour.

See you again soon Crouchie.

Neither Rhyme Nor Reason

I hear Hicks may be in a fix tonight. I hope no-one picks on him. But if he will mix with the fans who at the moment are pretty sick of him, what does he expect?

Rafa, the gaffa will be hoping Gerrard plays well 'ard tonight, if only to detract from the fact that the pact has fallen apart in the boardroom.

Grant will be hoping he can supplant the chants of the fans for Jose.

I have to say that at the end of a long day, I'm looking forward to putting my feet up to watch the cup.

And have no fear - I'll swig a beer (or two) as I cheer for those dear Liverpool boys.

I just hope the match isn't a bore as we've seen before and that someone scores early doors.

Fingers crossed tomorrow's post is not about how Liverpool lost.

Country Yokel Or Razor Sharp?

So Mr Hicks has been speaking out today.

I heard him on the radio earlier. And I have to confess I was singularly unimpressed.

His words just seemed like spin - without substance. Promises to make things better but no indication of how that might happen and widening the divisions as he did so.

It probably doesn't help that his name means "not very intelligent or interested in culture". I'm sure there is more to him of course, but whilst I think fans do recognise the inevitability that big money owners are more likely to be driven by profit than simply the passion of football, I don't believe that the two are mutually exclusive.

Indeed, if you think about it, most people trying to run a business would give their right arm to have the sort of loyal customers football clubs have in the form of fans. Getting it right means having the talent to combine sound business sense with an understanding of what your customers hold dear.

Sure football is a fickle world and sure you can't please all of the people all of the time.

But I can virtually guarantee that the very public divisions currently visible at Liverpool can only harm the club and its business potential.

Best they get themselves sorted over there - and quickly I would say. Otherwise one of two of them are going to find themselves walking alone.

No Laughing Matter

This won't be a long post tonight. I'm exhausted with the emotion of watching the Liverpool/Arsenal match.

What drama. I so wanted the Arse to win. They seem to just miss out all the time. And Walcott. He is a complete dream.

I went mad when Adebayor's goal went in. I thought that was it. And then to lose out to a penalty which was almost a carbon copy of the one Arsenal didn't get awarded in the first leg.

Babel's goal was the icing on the cake for them of course. But you couldn't claim that either team didn't put their heart and soul into trying to win that match.

Amazing.

So I have had a great, if agonising footballing evening Which began, interestingly, with a conversation on air with the man who runs this business. Who is also a Luton fan. (Well he would be, being into laughter therapy, wouldn't he? You'd certainly need a sense of humour)

Apart from that he was OK and we chatted about all sorts. My first foray into the local radio station I told you about the other day.

Oooh errrr!

Little did he know he was interviewing the soon to be famous Georgina Best.

You heard it here first.

Lump It, Hump It And Hope

By general consent The Arse was robbed last night.

It led to an interesting debate on Talk Sport this evening as I was driving home. One of the more informed debates I have to say. Fans of various teams ringing in and talking football properly, with passion for their team but a degree of objectivity too.

The discussion was about the top four and the sort of football they play.

Man U of course are simply on fire. They have great teamwork going on and whilst they have the odd hiccup it is hard not to view them as pretty amazing.

Chelsea, despite being up there, are not renowned for their beautiful football. And of course dear Avram (whom I heard described as a fat Larry Grayson today to me amusement) is getting some stick about his tactical abilities.

Then there is Liverpool, who in my view have some fine players (including the beautiful Torres. Which reminds me I must tell you sometime about my fantasy of what might happen if Torres and Renaldo ever got together...............................). They lack consistency however, and on a number of occasions now have, in my humble opinion, lacked shape and flair.

Finally of course there is The Arse. I know you would argue that results are what counts at the end of the day but I am a great believer that the means should justify the end. I would love to see them have a major success won through skills rather than simply power and brawn.

It's like someone said on Talk Sport. There is the beautiful football school of play. And there is the 'lump it, hump it and hope brigade'. Win or lose I know what I prefer.

I Ain't No Prawn Sandwich Fan

You'll all be relieved to know I am back.

It's like I always said. Give a Reading fan a blade of grass and they take a football pitch.

Thanks to those of you who have been leaving comments. I was beginning to think I was at an Arsenal match it was so quiet.

Anyway, one of these comments by a new reader, Colin Randall, himself a football blogger, challenged my fervent Foxes fanship (try saying that when you've had a few) on the basis that I show too much interest in and favour towards other teams.

It made me think about a conversation I had with my lover recently about the prawn sandwich brigade, some of whom (allegedly) change allegiance on a regular basis (only amongst the top four clubs of course).

The sort of think a member of the "prawn sandwich brigade" might say is:

"I think I'll support Chelsea next year. It will be nice to watch a team playing in a different colour for a change."

or

"I chose Manchester United because the parking at the ground is easier than at Liverpool"

As you know I am fairly new to football and have only been a Leicester City fan for about a year. You might wonder therefore how deep the roots of my loyalty really go. I have to confess to asking myself the same question with the threat of relegation looming so large.

I jokingly suggested that if they are relegated I would choose a different team. As I did so I had this really weird feeling. Like guilt. As if I had committed adultery or was at least contemplating it. I quickly realised that I could no more support another team than change sex. Even after such a short time and all the trials and tribulations, I'm a Foxes girl through and through.

But my journey has been about learning to love football and that has included learning to appreciate good football. So inevitably I have watched other teams play and bizarrely (although I don't believe for a minute I am unique in this) have found myself forming opinions and a level of allegiance on the scantiest of evidence.

None of these views would stand up to much scrutiny or analysis but here is my take on the Premiership teams:

Arsenal: I have a love for them because sometimes they play really really beautiful football. I don't like the persona Wenger presents in public but I do think he is a great and passionate manager. And of course my son loves them so I have an understandable affinity
Man U: How could you not love the football they play? I am much less keen on Fergie though even though I know he is a god in many ways.
Liverpool: I feel less pull to them although I love Crouchy
Chelsea: I can't love them Mourinholess
Newcastle: I'm sorry Mosher. I can't love a team who think KK is groovy and look like a packet if mint humbugs
Reading: I have to like them because my lover does. I do sort of - they have an underdog appeal don't they
Everton and Blackburn: Like 'em a bit. No idea why
Sunderland and Tottenham: Well there's Roy Keane and Ramos - yum!
Man City: I have to confess to finding Sven just a little bit sexy..........
Birmingham, Aston Villa and West Ham: No feelings either way
Portsmouth: Not sure really. Harry is a bit too much of a wide boy for my liking
Middlesbourgh and Wigan: Seem a bit dull
Fulham and Derby: I'm sorry. You can't love the unloveable.
Bolton: May they die a horrible death

Yet despite these strange affinities, I couldn't support any of them. Not like Leicester.

No - there is no doubt about it. Given the choice between a pie and a prawn sandwich I'll take the pie every time.

Battleship Ahoy!

Well there are a few football boats rocking out there at the moment.

There's the Good Ship Liverpool, where the 3 men in a boat seem to be upsetting the balance one way or another, with even more waves around them today as the rumours of a possible sell out get louder.

On HMS Chelsea, the skipper is shouting for the seas to calm, furious about the storm that has brewed since their defeat by Tottenham in the League Cup at the weekend.

Aboard the Pirate Ship Newcastle, the crew are starting to worry that they might sink.

Meantime, I'm hoping the Foxes have prepared their battleship properly for tomorrow's encounter with Cardiff.

We need to blow them right out of the water!!!

One Thing Leads To Another

I'm absolutely shattered today. Emotionally and physically. It's been a long one.

I can barely put one foot in front of the other. The same could be said too of Eduardo today as he left hospital. We would both do well to remember that tomorrow is another day and nothing ever stays the same.

And talking of putting one foot in front of the other, I understand that is what David Beckham is saying he is going to focus on over the coming weeks as he battles to reach peak fitness.

And talking of battles, those naughty boys have been fighting again.

Which is what Richard Hope, Captain of Wrexam, is vowing to do to ensure they do not get relegated at the end of the season.

Unlike Liverpool, who in some quarters are saying that they should be challenging for the Premiership title.

Another challenge in the news, of course, is Middlesbrough's criticism of the FA's decision to not only reject their appeal against Aliadiere's ban but to extend it by a futher match.

And on the subject of matches, what about this proposal to have the vote for man of the match on line?

Did I say on-line? Good grief look at the time. I have been on line for over an hour. Time to stop I think and rest my weary head.

Goodnight girls - and boys too if there are any out there xx

Shaggy Dog Stories

If someone had told me at the start of today we would be celebrating a 4 - 0 victory by the end of it I would have thought they were telling me a tale.

I didn't get to the match as I was supposed to be going away to London (last minute crisis led to a change of plan). So I used to opportunity to watch the Man U/Arsenal rout. Ouch!

And what about Barnsley.

I mean Barnsley. Even we beat them for goodness sake.

And when I wasn't watching football or listening to it on the radio I used my unexpected free time to read some more of Ian Holloway's autobiography.

There are all sort of funny litte stories in it but one that made me chuckle was a tale (or should that be tail) of when a police dog bit a player who was taking a throw in during a match.

So I thought to celebrate our win over Norwich today I would find a few more examples of football-related animal antics to make you smile;

• Monty the Footymad Staffy
• A sports drink supping squirrel (allegedly.....)
• Trying to get in on the action
• A mammouth version
• A bunny
• Even stuffed versions
  

Who said animals are stupid? If they like footy they are OK by me. And there is nothing better than a shaggy dog story. Especially when it is the one about Leicester winning 4 -0.

Mourinho For Liverpool

I saw him today ....... The Special One.

He was in the crowd at the African Cup of Nations final. (Well done to Egypt for a deserved win).

I do think about him now and then you know. Wondering how he is. What he is doing. And most importantly where he may pop up next.

To be fair Avram Grant is doing a decent job at Chelsea against all expectations. But the Premiership has not been the same since Mourinho left.

Interesting that despite various public opportunities (including the England manager job of course) and no doubt lots more private ones, he has not yet committed himself to his next move.

You can't help wondering if he is maybe playing a waiting game. Not only for the right opportunity but one in top-flight football in the Premiership once he has fulfilled the terms of his severance agreement (i.e. not to manage a Premiership team for a set period of time).

And if you were Mourhino would you take anything less than one of the 'top four'? It's not going to be Man U, Arsenal or Chelsea is it?

Which leaves ......... Liverpool.

You heard it here first.

PS. Did you notice the striking resemblance between today's picture and yesterday's?