In The Eye Of The Beholder

I have discovered that not only do English football clubs have different outfits to identify them but also emblems and nicknames. I think the latter are additional criteria I should take into account. I intend to reduce the initial pool to about 10 based upon the 'look' of the team as defined by these three aspects.

Of course just to complicate matters they wear different clothes when they play in their own ground (called imaginatively 'at home') to when they are in someone else's (called just as imaginatively 'away'). For the purposes of this exercise I will use the home strips, taking account of the away colour only in the event of a tie.

I have to say there is a bit of a lack of imagination going on when you start looking with regard to colours. I mean come on boys there are more colours in the rainbow than red or blue. In fact I have been so disappointed that I have decided to amend my criteria to include the whole of the Championship rather than just the top 10. That is probably fairer anyway as teams move up and down all the time.

So then my shortlist in no particular order:

Portsmouth: More creative than most in the use of blue and white. I like the way their away colours are a reverse of their home strip. Lovely symmetry. Although I have to say the red socks are a bit dodge. Their nickname is Pompey which reminds me of a carry on film and their badge is a pretty star and moon

Reading: Their strip looks like a convict's outfit so they get in because I used to work for the Probation Service. Being a Republican not keen on the nickname "The Royals" though. Also not so keen on the red and yellow away strip.

Plymouth Argyle: They wear green with all the environmentally friendly connotations, and indeed their nickname is - guess what - The Greens. Best of all though they have nicked the Blue Peter badge for their motif. Won it in a phone in apparently.

West Ham: Well they do at least have a bit of design going on with their burgundy and blue. I especially like that the sleeves are different to each other. Their motif has a slightly fairytale quality with the castle which appeals too.

Watford: Mmm - they have made the effort to be bold with their colours in their strip and their badge. Hard to know why they are called the hornets but sport a picture of a large moose on their badge though

Sheffield United: Their stripy strip reminds me of Spangles. The knife wielding badge reflects their nickname of The Blades which is a pretty cool name. Just a general feel of sparkliness really

Ipswich: Probably seems a strange choice at first sight with their plain blue shirt and grey shorts. It is the grey shorts that appeal on the basis that all things white become grey when I wash them and I can't help wondering if the strip was chosen by a pragmatist. Their badge shows a horse playing football and they are called the tractor boys which leads me to think they are either having a joke or they just don't get it. Either way they get in for entertainment value

Leicester: I like how they have used thin white stripes and their away strip is quite funky. Best of all though I like their badge and nickname - The Foxes. Being a bit of a fox myself I can relate to this

Stoke City: Strip is pretty mundane but they are called The Potters. How could a JKR fan not include them

Hull: Because they look like liquorice allsorts and/or tigers and have a badge and nickname to match (tigers not allsorts). A nicely co-ordinated image

Next post I will consider any geographical or autobiographical links I have with these teams, changing names if necessary to protect the innocent