The Malevolence Of The Mighty Mackam

Once upon a time there was a wicked footballing wizard, The Mighty Mackam.

Wherever he went, The Mighty Mackam spread malevolence and evil.

But he reserved his most evil curses and spells for his most hated club - Newcastle United.

In one season alone, he sent them 2 fake Messiahs and a manager whose vocabulary was developed in a public toilet.

Other gifts included Joey Barton (no further explanation needed) and Dennis Wise (ditto).

To cap it all off at the end of the season he got them relegated.

Now you would think that even the most evil of evil wizards would be satisfied with that wouldn't you?

But no - the mighty Mackam had one more wicked spell to dispense before he was satisfied.

For today he gave them this.

You would have to have a hard heart not to feel just a little bit sorry for them.

You Know It's Time To Quit When...........

You wonder what the world of football is coming to when:

1. Yet another team goes into administration
2. There are nearly as many players on the subs bench as there are on the pitch
3. There are claims that plans to stage Premiership matches abroad is a way of spreading the English traditions of football when really it is all about money
4. The Plymouth chairman is bad-mouthing our beloved Ollie
   

You know it's time to quit football when:

1. You start dreaming of burgers instead of pies
2. You can't keep quiet during a minute's silence to honour the victims of the Munich Air Disaster
3. You are homesick
   
4. You are Dennis Wise

Fortunately I fall into none of these four categories.

Handbags At Dawn

I'm not usually prone to schadenfreude as you know, but I can't help a wry smile about the antics at Newcastle. Keegan is adamant that the appointment of Dennis Wise as Executive Director of Football was no surprise to him and that his position as manager has not been undermined.

I can't help feeling that he protesteth a little too much though. What do you think? I see handbags at dawn.

Much more interesting though, I think, is the immienent announcement of the England team for the forthcoming friendly against Switzerland on February 6th.

Will he or won't he include Beckham, if only for the one match. Many notable voices are speaking out in support of him getting his 100th cap for England, joining the elite group comprising Bobby Moore, Bobby Charlton, Billy Wright and Peter Shilton. Voices such as that of Sir Alex Ferguson, Steve McLaren and Sven Goran Eriksson.

And who will be Captain? I favour Gerrard.

As for other players, I would have David James in goal and Rooney would definitely feature. Be good to see some new faces too though. Kitson, Bentley and Young must be contenders.

And what of those who don't get picked and think they should? More handbags at dawn perhaps?

Oh well - not long to wait now. I will just have to manage my excitement somehow in the meantime.

When You're Smiling........

Five things that stopped me smiling this weekend are:

1. Leicester City only managed a draw (though not as sad as I would have been if they had lost)


2. The Foxes are just hovering above the relegation zone (lets hope they don't crash and burn)


3. The planned loan of Isaiah Osbourne to Leicester has been called off (an important part of Ollie's improvement plan)


4. Liverpool have been further destabilised by talk of a takeover (not that I am particularly fond of of Liverpool but I believe in managers being given proper support and treated decently)


5. Reading were beaten 0 - 2 by Manchester United despite a brave fight (you should see my lover's little face bless him)

On the other hand, five things that have made me smile this weekend are:

1. The Wise/Bassett empire has suffered an undignified knock at the hands of Doncaster (you see there is a god)


2. Arsenal's 3 goals against Fulham (all three beautifully scored)


3. Keegan "opening talks" with Shearer about a role at the club (if he ends up with anything I predict some meaningless ambassador role)


4. Ollie's weekly column (what a wag he is)


5. Something else - but I think I will keep that one to myself.............

Life Or Fiction?

Sometimes life is stranger than fiction.

Dennis Wise is now being hailed as a saviour. Apparently taking your team from the Championship into Division 1 and being the manager of a club who can't pay their players for weeks is a good thing.

Even more bizarrely, a referee, Danny McDermid, who used abusive and/or insulting words to Wise last month is in trouble. Since when has it been a crime to say what everyone else is thinking?

On the BBC website it states of Saturday's match at The Walkers "Barnsley continued to play the more attractive football". What match was that reporter at?

What's more, the conclusion in that commentary is that The Foxes won because they had no manager?

No wonder I'm confused.