Saturday, 16 January 2010

Say What You Mean

Yes thanks I had a great birthday.

In particular I had a lovely evening with my children and my daughter's boyfriend who came round to celebrate.

Amongst my many gifts was a card, usefully offering a translation of the true meaning behind common expressions used by football commentators;

"He'll be disappointed with that" - That was crap
"Seasoned player" - Past it
"Loyal club player" - Nobody else will have him
"Dangerous in the box" - Scores own goals
"Goalie's weak on crosses" - Couldn't catch a bloody bus
"Terrier like" - Tries to shag a leg after he scores
"A natural leader" - A bossy git
"Good squad player" - He gets a game if they're desperate
"Competitive" - Dirty
"Very competitive" - Bloody lethal
"Good sound player" - Boring
"Creative" - Oscar winning injuries
"Two footed" - Crap with either one
"Good defensive outfit" - It's like watching paint dry!

I guess working on that principle some of today's matches would be described as follows;

"Chelsea managed to secure the advantage for most of the match" - Sunderland got turned over
"Liverpool were unlucky in the dying minutes" - Sloppy play and a mediocre performance by Liverpool resulted in Stoke gaining a point.
"Mancini's Mancity beaten by Everton's effervescence" - All that money and they still can't beat their humble neighbours"
"Swansea manage a home victory over Leicester City" - The Foxes was robbed.

Looking forward to the headline later;

"Gunners outplay trouble-hit Bolton" - Cheerio, cheerio, cheerio!

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