Taken By Surprise

Derby County called in emergency help today after finding themselves in crisis following yesterday's win over Sheffield United.

A spokesman for the club explained:

"After almost a year without a win, we suddenly realised we had forgotten how to celebrate"

A source close to the club told us how the problem began when club officials realised they had no champagne on ice. In fact no champagne at all.

Players changed out of their kit as staff were hastily dispatched to Tescos to purchase celebratory drinks, but the tone in the dressing room was muted.

"They just looked bewildered" said one witness.

Paul Jewell tried to raise their spirits with a rousing chorus of "We Are The Champions" but his team could barely manage the claps in between the words.

In desperation he rang Eileen Drewery

She spoke to us today in an exclusive interview, explaining;

"Poor little lambs. They were quite at a loss what to do. Even after 24 hours, the best they could manage was 3 hip hip hoorays and a round of party poppers"

Jewell is said to be shocked by the situation and has vowed to ensure celebratory rituals are built into the training schedule from now on.

Just in case they are ever needed again.