Completely Quackers

You'll never believe what! I've only been labeled a "Dime Bar"! Worse than that - on the LCFC message board for all the world to see. How humiliating! You can probably feel my cheeks glowing red from there!

It's always a danger when you enter a new world of course. Tripping over an acronym or phrase that everyone else knows - or at least seems too.

Most of the time I manage to blag my way through life. Looking as if I know what is going on. Fooling people into thinking I am up on whatever the current subject is.

On this particular occasion my "faux pas" was not knowing what LGCP stands for. I saw it on an LCFC fixture list and despite Googling it could not find what it stands for. Assuming it was some obscure technical term I posted on the message board to see if there might be a well informed fellow fan who could help. Turns out it stands for League Cup and everyone else knows it or could at least guess.

Its not the first time recently I have fallen down such a hole. Recently I was reading an article in a magazine at the hair dressers when I was having my roots done. It was all about first dates and the difficulties of leaping into bed with someone if you have put chicken fillets in your bra to enhance you figure.

Now call me old fashioned but I did struggle to understand why someone would do that. Seems a risky old business to me. And there wasn't much detail. I mean do they use them raw or cooked? What if it was a particular hot day? They might start to smell.

It was only during a conversation with my fairly new neighbour that the truth finally dawned upon me. Sadly not quickly enough to prevent the look of disbelief and astonishment on that fairly new neighbour's face. For it would seem that the chicken fillets referred to are these rather than these.

Clearly I have some work to do if I am to survive in the world of football conversations. In the meantime I will just stay quiet - at least until I have all my ducks in a row.

Quack quack!