It's Not For Girls

Anyway, there I was sitting the pub last night when I said to my friend Droop "I'm learning about football you know". Once he had managed to suspend his disbelief for a while he said "Alright then, what's the offside rule?". (Revision tip: It is a common trick men use to test women's knowledge and flush out impostors. See here and here).

Ha ha I thought. I know this one (see post 9th March). So I proceeded to tell him, using salt, pepper and vinegar pots which is of course the way. Imagine my horror when instead of the cries of surprise and admiration I expected, Buttercup, who had been listening in, said "That's the old rule. The new rule is two players including the goalkeeper not two plus the goalie between the opposition player and the goal". "That's right" joins in Droop, looking very relieved that he can now unsuspend his disbelief because I have clearly been making the whole thing about learning football up.

"And they have changed the rule about being level now too" adds Buttercup. Oh god - now I'm out of my depth. "Oh have they" I said, trying my most charming smile "I didn't know that. I'm still learning you see". What I was thinking of course was "B******s".

So on the way home I spoke to my lover (on my handsfree of course). " What's the offside rule?" I said. He explained it.

"Just two players including the goalkeeper then not as well as".
"Yes"
"But two plus the goalie used to be the old rule"
"Yes"
"How come you didn't tell me when I described it before"
"I was confused by the sauce"

I mean, with advisers like this and the other 3 people I checked it with (yes Sandi, Hanif and Rupert you know who you are), who needs enemies?

Yorkie 1 Street Cred 0