Monkeys Ruined My Lover's Life

When I first got to know my lover he told me a story of the day he went to Longleat and how monkeys had ripped off his car ariel.

Since then, he frequently harps back to this tale, although each time it becomes a little more embellished.

Whenever anything goes wrong with his car he blames it on this event. If his windscreen wipers are playing up it is because the monkeys had a go at those too. If his tyres are a bit flat he says it is probably because the monkeys messed with the valves and they have never been the same since.

Now you may be wondering what this has got to do with football.

Well you see I think there are parallels between this phenomenon and some of myths, legends and stories around in football.

For example, every club has their 'legends'. These are the perfect ones. Players who never put a foot wrong, who were single handedly responsible for every match won and whose status only grows over time. You will never hear a proper fan say anything bad about one of their 'legends'. Because of course there is nothing to tell.

But more telling than this . More deeply ingrained in the psyche than the mere phenomenon of the odd good player. As strongly felt as a vehicular assault by monkeys, is the story of a perceived wrong done.

Just ask any Tottenham fan about Sol Campbell. Or a Celtic fan about Paul Gascoigne.

And like the status of legends, the sense of injustice and wrong doing grows with time.

Just like my lover's resentment about those monkeys, who I have no doubt will one day be credited with ruining his life.