They Started It

It's probably a shocking thing for an English football fan to say, but I don't really get the depth of animosity between us and Scottish fans.

I understand that the rivalry goes back a long way and has a complex history.

So who really is the best?

It all seems very petty.

It's the same in other arenas.

For example, I've lost count of the number of English people I have heard saying they won't support Andy Murray because he is Scottish.

How very childish.

Mind you, they are being a bit pathetic about this.

In fact, come to think of it, I'm sure they probably started the war in the first place.

Billy No Mates

I've been on a leadership course today.

No - stop laughing - I have.

We looked at leadership models.

We did role plays.

We had group discussions.

And then all of a sudden, up on the screen at the front popped 4 faces.

This one. This one. This one. And this one.

The question posed was;

Who was the odd one out?

Thank goodness for my football eduction, I thought.

Just over 2 years ago I wouldn't have known, Sir Steve of McClaren.

I picked him out immediately.

All in a leadership role but SM the only one who wasn't able to get people to follow him.

Back of the net for Georgina Best!

Just What's Expected

Fresh from launching himself on the market, rumour has it that Michael Owen is working hard to ensure he is able to make the right entrance to a new club when the time comes.

I can't be sure he has seen this, but it might explain why he was seen working on an acceptance speech that went like this.

I'm sure it will be just what's expected.

More Than A Bistro

Tonight I went with my lover and his mother to this place for supper.

Always keen to debate life's important issues, during the course of the meal we were discussing whether the place should be described as a restaurant or a bistro.

I thought it could be described as a bistro, whereas my lover's mother was sure it was "more than a bistro".

My lover, in an effort to settle the matter once and for all, offered a football analogy.

"Think of Theo Walcott or Wayne Rooney. They are your bistro. Torres or Kaka. They are definitely more than a bistro"

So now we know.

Bad?

Do you remember where you were when Elvis died? Or John Lennon was shot? When the twin towers were hit, when Kennedy was gunned down or you heard of Diana's death?

Today of course will be another of those days to look back on in the future.

There are two things I think connect Michael Jackson with English football.

Well three if you count this.

He is certainly the epitome of the stresses and strains of being a high profile celebrity in the public eye. A living example of how fame and fortune don't necessarily make you happy. A
visible victim of the pressure of having an amazing talent and all that comes with that.

One would have to draw a parallel between Jacko and the likes of George Best and Gazza.

The other link, of course, is his directorship of Exeter FC.

Like many a great talent, whether in football or the wider world, there is little doubt that Michael Jackson was a complex character.

His talent is beyond debate. Whether the more controversial side of his character and behaviour were because he was a victim of circumstance or just simply bad I'll leave you to decide.

Her indoors........

.......is away again. Dashed off to London this morning, parking at Hounslow and taking the tube to places of import

Back at half seven and, after a speedy tea, off to organise this. She'll be back later and eager to read what a mess I've made of the blog.

Football is in the doldrums today. "Pink ponk-thirty-forty" dominating the airwaves.

I did hear, however, that championship pre-season is due to start in about a week's time. A trip to The Lambs, surely a competitive start? Hopefully, a win will ensure the boys are getting themselves ready in goodstyle.

Fox's V's lambs. No contest ?



In other worlds this week, mostly, I've been contemplating learning this.

When you're a boy who plays a bit like this. It's an uphill climb.

LFC for Prem this year ?

She'll be back.

HL

The Malevolence Of The Mighty Mackam

Once upon a time there was a wicked footballing wizard, The Mighty Mackam.

Wherever he went, The Mighty Mackam spread malevolence and evil.

But he reserved his most evil curses and spells for his most hated club - Newcastle United.

In one season alone, he sent them 2 fake Messiahs and a manager whose vocabulary was developed in a public toilet.

Other gifts included Joey Barton (no further explanation needed) and Dennis Wise (ditto).

To cap it all off at the end of the season he got them relegated.

Now you would think that even the most evil of evil wizards would be satisfied with that wouldn't you?

But no - the mighty Mackam had one more wicked spell to dispense before he was satisfied.

For today he gave them this.

You would have to have a hard heart not to feel just a little bit sorry for them.

Fancy That

Well look who's bought some of the rights to screen some of the Premiership matches next season.

Presumably there will be some of this to look forward to.

Tug Of Love

I have a fantasy.

Or maybe it should be described as a theory.

You see I think that looking at the deal Tevez has turned down at the ManUre he is actually not motivated primarily by money. I think the way he was treated by Fergie last season broke his heart and he can't bear to stay.

It may be nonsense of course.

But whatever the reasons, in the aftermath of the separation from the ManUre, you have to wonder who will get custody of Tevez.

It won't be an easy battle.

Last time there was a such a big decision to be made it took the wisdom of Solomon to sort it out.

Eat Your Heart Out Charlton Heston

When the football season is over and it all goes quiet in the snug, what does a football fan do to entertain herself?

Well there is always this.

Or what about putting your feet up and watching an epic movie?

Addickted To Football

On Wednesday evening I was out at a Charity Awards ceremony.

It was the first of its kind in our county and despite that feeling in the morning when I looked in my diary of "Blimey how did I get myself committed to that after a long day at work", when I actually got there I had a great evening.

After some initial circulating I got chatting to a group and we sat down together.

There were the usual ceremonies - a speech from the Chair, presentation of awards (with us winning one for encouraging volunteering which was fab), as well as work-related chit chat.

At about 9pm it seemed the right time to introduce the subject of 'you know what'.

Turns out I am sandwiched between a bang-at-it Charlton Athletic supporter and an Everton fan. I held my own until they started swopping stories about times past.

We did have an interesting discussion about the domination of the few in the Premiership though, our Addick-loving companion being passionate about the importance and value of the grass roots game, and quite rightly highlighting that the players on ridiculous salaries owe their position to all the mums, dads, volunteers, players, fans etc. who turn out week in week out to make the game happen at all levels. His view is that the top few should go off to form a super Euro league and leave the rest of use to got on with the real game.

He has a point.

Anyway, here is a little bit of joy for any Addick fans tuning in.

Happy Birthday Fabio!

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Fabio...............
Happy Birthday to you

In The Drog House

Guess who's been a bad Drog.

Being in the Dog House is no fun.

As any man will tell you.

What A Mullarkey!

What a malarkey!

Which according to the dictionary means "insincere, meaningless, or deliberately misleading talk; nonsense".

The malarkey in this case is Mike Mullarkey.

Turned Howard Webb's head he did.

One minute it's a penalty.

The next, Mr Mullarkey is whispering sweet nothings in his ear and it's a penalty and a red card.

Oh and just to ensure there is no doubt, no-one was watching the replay on a telly.

And if they did they definitely didn't inhale so it doesn't count.

A Little Bit Scary

Remember this bleak moment last year.

And now here we are back where we belong, for now, in the Championship.

I gather the fixtures are due out on Wednesday.

I've always thought what an unenviable task the scheduling of the league must be.

So many things to take into account.

Then you think to yourself "But they have amazing computers today. They'll simply feed the information in and the computer will do the rest".

WRONG!!

"Oh well there's bound to be some specialised software which does the bulk of the work with just some tweaks required"

WRONG AGAIN!!

My research has led me discover that the fate of the football league with its millions of pounds turnover every year, upon which so many millions of fans rely to fill huge sections of their lives and which creates numerous networks of businesses providing supporting and spin off services, rests with one man, his laptop and an excel spreadsheet.

I find that just a little bit scary.

Headlining At Newcastle

I think I now know why Newcastle fans are called the "Toon Army".

It's because it's all one big music festival over there.

For instance, as Alan Shearer waits to find out if he is going to get a contract as manager, he is outside Mike Ashley's place serenading him.

And Derek Llambias is mourning his loss like this.

Meanwhile JB is dancing to this.

Glastonbury eat your heart out.

Sching Shomethin' Simple

One of the projects we have set up at work is a choir for older people.

The idea is any older person can join. They don't have to have singing experience or pass an audition.

It's just about having fun and enjoying all the social, physical and spiritual benefits.

The idea has proved really popular and tonight we went to see their first public performance.

It was a joyous occasion, attended by about 70 family and friends.

They really were very good, especially as some of them have never even sung in a choir and they have only been together a matter of months.

Anyway the lower age limit for the choir is 50.

Pointing at one of the singers my lover said "If she's over 50, I'm a Dutchman"

"Careful", I said, "Schteve McLaren said that and look what happened to him".

Jings Crivvens and Help Ma Boab!

Remember my friend Sandy?

He has been by my side throughout my journey learning about football.

Yesterday he reached 70.

Bless his heart.

He is our very own office Alex Ferguson.

Anyway , we took the opportunity to tell him how much we all think of him.

Presents. Cards. Badges. Balloons. Picture posters. A cake with his photo on.

And of course the obligatory £2 a bottle Bucks Fizz.

All whilst serenading him with "Happy Birthday".

But it was me who gave him the biggest surprise of all.

Georgina: Hey Sandy. Ronaldo to Real Madrid for 80 million
Sandy: Never. Really?
Georgina: You heard it here first.

Cheerio Cheerio Cheerio

So if you were a ManUre fan today what would you be saying?

Would you be bemoaning the loss of such a talented player?

Or would you be glad to see the back of his petulance and whingeing?

And if I was a ManUre fan what would I be saying?

Almost certainly this.

I can't help wondering if Real Madrid will come to regret their decision though.

For another £20 million they could have bought a whole club!

He Can't Go Back To Savoury Now

The current England manager has always had a certain air of mystery about him.

There were the murky allegations about his tax affairs for example.

Well this girl football lover has an exclusive story to share with you that will blow the stuff so far right out of the water.

Fabio Capello is in fact not Italian.

He is from Sheffield.

He's worked to change his appearance somewhat.

But there is no doubt they are one and the same person.

Trust me.

So do you think now that Capello has enjoyed the sweet taste of success he would consider going back to his roots?

If asked, I think he would probably say this.

Wee Wee Wee All The Way Home

This little magpie went to market.

This little magpie should have stayed at home.

This little magpie drank a pint of Newcastle Brown.

This little magpie had 6 months.

And all the little Toons went "Wee Wee Wee" all the way home.

Fe Fi Fo Fum

Yesterday afternoon I was here drinking a pint of this.

After a while my lover and I got chatting to a man at a nearby table.

Turns out he is a season ticket holder for Manchester City.

All was going well. We talked about the new owners, the money the club has to spend, Sparky's Spark (or rather lack of), Gareth Barry, Robhino, Eastlands and of course how the ManUre have no fans living in Manchester.

But then he said a terrible thing.

For when I said how lucky they were to be likely to sign Tevez, he suggested his only use will be as a Troll at the ground to keep the kids in order!

You can so go off people.

I Baptise This Child In The Name Of ..................

I was asked recently it I am any relation to George Best.

"It has been suggested", I replied, "that I am his love child".

Naming your child after a famous footballer is apparently all the rage.

Not that I have any plans for further childbearing myself you understand.

But a grandmother may be able to have some influence.

Gordon or Gary aren't that exciting .

I quite fancy Matty.

Or I could do worse than have a grandson called Muzzy ...... izzit?

Carry On Believing

A flattering scoreline and a less than emphatic victory is how I would describe the outcome of tonight's game against Kazakhstan.

Not that I'm particularly interested in joining the 'lets knock England' bandwagon.

A sub-standard pitch, long journey, and indeed long season just completed, all took their toll in my view. But I saw numerous mistakes, most of which resulted in giving the ball away.

The patriot in me is delighted at the win of course.

But to be fair (as they say in footballing circles), Kazakhstan deserved more for their efforts.

I will be very interested to see how we perform against Andorra on Wednesday. It would be good to see a bit of flow and flair. And a bit more pace.

I know we have to be prepared to win a bit ugly sometimes. And lets not forget we are still unbeaten in the qualifiers.

On that basis therefore I will retain my composure and carry on believing.

Just Not Cricket

Every now and then cricket mounts a challenge to try to steal the spotlight from football.

So I wasn't too surprised when my lover said to me tonight "With the football season over you'll have to become from girls who can't do cricket".

I thought to myself "I don't think so", but said nothing.

Which is probably why he then went on to spend several minutes explaining about how 20:20 cricket could be the death of 5 day test matches but that in turn could mean a loss of skills. Oh and apparently the news that Holland have beaten England in the first day 20:20 world cup is utterly shocking. Like the England football team being beaten by Andorra.

To be honest I couldn't be less interested.

Football 'til I die...............!

Stuck In A Rut

There is a danger that members of the England team could get stuck in a rut when they play Kazakhstan next week.

Not a prediction about their standard of play (I hope).

But quite literally if we are to believe Jason Burt in The Telegraph.

Sing Us Another One Just Like The Other One

You know me.

I do sensible football pundit for a bit then I'm inevitably drawn back to the quirky and the bizarre in football.

What a delight then to find a whole list of the best football chants of the season.

If you can't be bothered to read through them all let me share some of my favourites with you.

"Whoh-oh Theo Walcott, Theo, Theo Walcott. He's an Englishman at Arsenal."
Arsenal fans to the tune of Sting's Englishman In New York.

"You're not special anymore!"
Manchester United fans to Jose Mourinho after knocking Inter Milan out of the Champions League.

"He's fat, he's round, he swears like Chubby Brown, Joe Kinnear, Joe Kinnear!"
Newcastle fans laud their portly boss.

"Your mum does your laundry!"
AFC Wimbledon supporters to university side Team Bath.

"If you love Golden Wonder, clap your hands."
Sung by Peterborough fans at Leicester's Walkers' Stadium.

"You're going down with the Woolworths!"
Ebbsfleet fans to Weymouth during their 1-0 win.

"It finishes Crawley Town 2, Woking 2. Be sure to tune in to the Blue Square Premier Review on Setanta next week to see how far offside Woking's first goal was!"
Crawley stadium announcer.

"Who's the next messiah, Ant or Dec?"
Aston Villa banner aimed at Newcastle fans.

And my absolute favourite;

"Superman wears Tim Cahill pyjamas."
Seen on a banner at the Everton end of Wembley during the FA Cup semi-final with Man Utd.

Mary Poppins And The Blond Lesbians In Handcuffs

An interesting exchange of comments on yesterday's post.

Which prompted me to ask my lover "Who's Shepherd"?

He kindly pointed me in the direction of the Internet.

"Look for Freddy Shepherd" he said. "I think you may have a few things to say about him".

My interest was further fuelled when I heard Alan Brazil on the Talk Sport Breakfast Show saying he has it on very good authority that Freddy Shepherd is interested in buying Newcastle United off Mike Ashely and riding in on a white charger to become a Magpie legend.

So I looked him up.

And my lover was right. I do have a few things to say about him.

Amongst his many delightful quotes is:

"I like blondes, big bust, good legs. I want a lesbian show with handcuffs. Newcastle girls are all dogs."

And this from a man they called the Fat Controller.

His only redeeming act, as far as I can tell, is referring to Alan Shearer as Mary Poppins.

The soap opera lover in me half wishes he would come back. It would be another perfect twist in the tale of "The Slow and Painful Murder of Newcastle United".

But with such delightful correspondents as Mosher, how could I ever wish such misery on them?

Only Leeds United could ever warrant such cruelty.

Pussy Galore

There's quite a lot of chit chat going on in the Black Cat camp.

Apparently, Steve Bruce has been spotted strutting his stuff around the streets of Wigan singing this.

Obviously friends and family are doing what they can to make him look his best.

Let's hope it doesn't all end in 'cat'astrophe eh?!